Did anyone notice I was gone...?

Well, I was. sigh. But here I am again, inspired to sit and blog by Mooley's teeth-gnashing. heh heh He called himself fairly high-strung; that's like me saying I am fairly casual about traffic laws. And speaking of traffic laws...

What is it about some people that makes them so offended by speed? I understand that everyone doesn't have the same need for speed that I do, but let them stay over in the fucking right hand lanes. There are signs that say this: Slow Traffic Keep Right. So why don't they? I move over when there are drivers going faster than me. Ok, that happens rarely, but when someone is coming faster from behind, I get over or else speed up which works just as well: I'm not going slower than anyone behind me, unlike most of the people in front of me while im driving in Ohio.

On the usefulness of Mothers

Mooley sent me this in an email and I'm plagerizing it for a blog, since it is such a nifty summarization of the usefulness of Mothers. The source is listed as a weblink at the bottom. Enjoy!

Here are the Top 20 things we have learned from our moms.

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me about LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me about IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

12. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

14. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

16. My mother taught me about ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you'll be cold?"

17. My mother taught me about HUMOR.
"When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

19. My mother taught me about GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

20. My mother taught me about WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

From: http://www.egopedia.com/pages/?pageid=51

The limits of stupidity...

...are evidently infinite. Or at least they are way past my reach. I mean, I'm gonna be 42 years old in just over a month. I'm a Nana, for Christ's sake. I can prescribe amphetamines, opiods and everything in between. And I can't start my own car.

So here's the deal. I went shopping with my Mama and my sister, Leah, and my sister-in-law, Lisa. It was partly hen party and partly genuine search for a bedroom suite for my youngest son. We looked all over London and found nothing, so we went to Corbin. We had no better luck there and left the last store planning where to have supper. When we got into the car, which had been parked on a hill, the air conditioner came on but the engine didn't turn over. I thought maybe the car didn't like being parked on the hill, so I rolled to to level ground.

The car didn't like level ground any better. The windows rolled down, the radio played, the air conditioner blew but the engine would not turn over. Good Samaritans stopped. "She jes' ain gettin no gais, now, thats fer shore."

I read in the car manual, and it said that if the engine turns over but doesn't sound like its getting gas, then probably the fuel pump is fouled up and the car needs to be towed and to stop fucking with the car and just give it to the nice mechanic and let him or her fix it. But nooooooo. WE had to let the Good Sams keep molesting it: they used a portable booster kit AND tried to boost the car from some huge-ass pick up truck, even tho the a/c was blowing and the radio played. Obviously the battery was not discharged. Obviously the problem was elsewhere.

So finally my brother shows up and takes us back to London, where we re-grouped at Mama's Tahoe and went to supper. Then at supper, Leah offered the use of her extra car, for sale and sitting at the end of the Wal-Mart parking lot. So I say, hoo-yah, that beats the hell outta having no car to drive, let me at it, and we go get the key and Mama drives me out to pick up the car.

I follow Mama back to her house to pick up my youngest son, would be recipient of the bedroom suite, who stayed at her house, forgoing the joy of shopping with four female relatives, for reasons which are probably clear to most of you. As we approach home, I am midway through the story above, and Thomas (my genius child) says, "Ha, it would be funny if you had been using the door key, wouldn't it, Mom."

Now, to explain. My relatively new car has an ignition key, which opens the doors, trunk and turns on the ignition, and a door key which will only open the doors. The quick thinkers among you will grasp, as Thomas did, the potential error an idiot could make when attempting to start the car with the door key.

However, the situation becomes much less humorous when one considers that said idiot is yours truly who had consumed approximately three hours of, not only MY time, but that of the three relatives I had drug along on my expedition, and the various Good Samaritans, trying to start the car with the door key. The Good Sams got stars in their collective crowns for doing good deeds so they actually can't complain. My brother and brother-in-law both lent their cars for short times and both have been amply rewarded in the fun they have made of me since this episode.

Now why, you may ask, did it not occur to me to look at the key and see if I was using the correct key? Because the door key is not usually in my purse. Why was it in my purse that day? Because it was put there by the devil? No, of course not. Because it was put there by the tooth fairy? No, the tooth fairy doesn't exist either. No, the door key was in my purse because I was cleaning up after other drivers that live at my house who shall remain nameless but whose initials are Bill ;-) The moral of the story is leave other people's keys where they are laying.

Oh, and I am looking into hiring a chauffeur. Anyone who is interested, please let me know.

Just one more fantasy post

OK, I can't resist posting this one. Who wouldn't wanna be Jane? *sigh* and then I'll stick to actual posts and not lazy copy and paste posts, but this one was fun. You should try it ;-)

Jane Smith You scored 49% Ruthless

You are Jane Smith from Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Those pretty looks (or handsome if you're a man) will definitely be of use once you show the opposition you can really throw down when the going gets tough. You keep your cool in sticky situations, and are a pretty good shot. You have a fair ability of getting yourself out of a jam, but you still make a few mistakes every now and then (like almost getting killed by your spouse). Keep working on your skills, and you should be a fine secret agent in no time.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Ruthless

Link: The Secret Agent/Assassin Test written by UAMaverick on OkCupid Free Online Dating

This may be as close as I ever get to MIT

My seduction style

heh heh just in case there were some people out there who didn't already know this...

Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake

You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many.The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately.You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss.A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Who are you people?

I am still relatively new to this blogging business, and I would like to know more about you all. Please complete the following survey, which I took from Mooley's blog and which he took from Mike.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me? (not at all necessary, but can be fun)
5. Would you kiss me? (vivid descriptions get extra credit )
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When’s the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

5.31.5

Mornin' yall,

Instead of catching up on my morning charting, I'm sitting here contemplating the huge amount of ignorance that pervades our society in regard to religion. Me first. My boss is of Syrian ancestry, and the majority of my collegues-the doctors anyway-are Muslims. And I still didn't know that Muslim women pray five times a day like the men do. Hunh.

That got me thinking: what else don't I know? Well, I think of Muslim women as closeted in and isolated, yet the wives of all the doctors are doctors themselves. Turns out the rate of professional education among Muslim women varies with the social class into which they are born, just like in the good ol' USA.

And that got me thinking some more: what is it about Islam that has worried me? Is it the theology of the Koran? I wouldn't know, since I've never read it. Is it the flag-buring, malotov-cocktail-throwing, suicide-bombing zealots who keep showing up on CNN? Well, yeah, that would be it. But you know what? They no more speak for Islam than Pat Robertson speaks for Christianity. It's not Islam-or Christianity!-that's the problem, it's religious fundamentalism.

So let's stop rewarding the news networks for showing prejudicial shit. And let's stop being prejudicial shits. Humans obviously have an inborn need to seek a power higher than they perceive themselves to have. Let's all give each other room to seek that power without stepping on top of each other.